Just a little glimpse into my head...
I apologize in advance.


Acropolis of Athens, Greece


Acropolis of Athens, Greece

(Source: staypozitive)

"I love you" doesn’t cover it.

—8/21/14 (via daily6wordstory)

Last post of the night, I promise.

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And now it’s time to apologize to another person.

I am so fucking sorry.  I am so fucking sorry that I can’t let you grow.  You could do so much more, but I will never let you go.

You’ll never let me go either, will you?

You don’t see me as poison to you future. You just see me as a remedy to you past.

You’ll probably never see or read this post.

That may be for the best, but I guess I have to try.

I almost picked up my phone so many times to just call you.

"Hey, want to get a drink and just talk? …It’s on me„,"

But I knew it would be pointless.  I doubt you’d even answer your phone if you saw it was me…if you even still have me in your contacts list.

I want you to be happy.  A start for that was me trying to leave you alone.  S made a comment about how, while it would be difficult, this whole thing might be fixable.  I didn’t want to fix it though - and I still don’t want to.  We have not been able to be good friends for over six months.  We don’t click.

I don’t want to force myself on anybody.  I know I’m difficult to be around sometimes and I just wish the people knew I try to keep my distance for very good reasons. It’s not because I’m tired or I don’t want to go.  My decision always came from my memories; parties or just small things where I felt like I brought everybody down, or I just sat out from everything. 

I always want to try, but after a while I realized I needed to stop.  I needed to stop trying to make compromises or act differently.  I don’t want several drinks, I don’t want to dance, and I don’t want to smoke.  I have no issues just sitting and watching until I realize how other people are perceiving me…until some body mentions how everyone is perceiving me. 

Like I said, I don’t want to be friends again.  The direction of our paths grew too far in distance. There are things you were going through that I’m sure I didn’t understand, while there are things with me you wouldn’t listen too.

But I hate losing people completely. 

I think the short times we’ve had this past year, just the two of us and I miss them.  I miss being able to talk to you about the little things.

I really am sorry for everything that happened.  I am sorry for being vexatious to your life.  I’m sorry I couldn’t express my intentions or my fucked up thoughts better.

I’ve been waiting to lose you since Black Friday when you drunkenly sang that it was nice being friends as I walked to my car to part ways.  I cried that night in J’s arms being sure that I lost one of my few friends. And I cry now too. 

It seems that’s all I’m able to do, huh?

I only tell you this because a part of me just hopes you get joy of knowing it.  You aren’t losing much without me - you’re freeing up space to just grow. So you can take joy in knowing your bitch ex friend, who can go fuck herself, is in fact sad.