Just a little glimpse into my head...
I apologize in advance.

"I love you" doesn’t cover it.

—8/21/14 (via daily6wordstory)

Last post of the night, I promise.

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And now it’s time to apologize to another person.

I am so fucking sorry.  I am so fucking sorry that I can’t let you grow.  You could do so much more, but I will never let you go.

You’ll never let me go either, will you?

You don’t see me as poison to you future. You just see me as a remedy to you past.

You’ll probably never see or read this post.

That may be for the best, but I guess I have to try.

I almost picked up my phone so many times to just call you.

"Hey, want to get a drink and just talk? …It’s on me„,"

But I knew it would be pointless.  I doubt you’d even answer your phone if you saw it was me…if you even still have me in your contacts list.

I want you to be happy.  A start for that was me trying to leave you alone.  S made a comment about how, while it would be difficult, this whole thing might be fixable.  I didn’t want to fix it though - and I still don’t want to.  We have not been able to be good friends for over six months.  We don’t click.

I don’t want to force myself on anybody.  I know I’m difficult to be around sometimes and I just wish the people knew I try to keep my distance for very good reasons. It’s not because I’m tired or I don’t want to go.  My decision always came from my memories; parties or just small things where I felt like I brought everybody down, or I just sat out from everything. 

I always want to try, but after a while I realized I needed to stop.  I needed to stop trying to make compromises or act differently.  I don’t want several drinks, I don’t want to dance, and I don’t want to smoke.  I have no issues just sitting and watching until I realize how other people are perceiving me…until some body mentions how everyone is perceiving me. 

Like I said, I don’t want to be friends again.  The direction of our paths grew too far in distance. There are things you were going through that I’m sure I didn’t understand, while there are things with me you wouldn’t listen too.

But I hate losing people completely. 

I think the short times we’ve had this past year, just the two of us and I miss them.  I miss being able to talk to you about the little things.

I really am sorry for everything that happened.  I am sorry for being vexatious to your life.  I’m sorry I couldn’t express my intentions or my fucked up thoughts better.

I’ve been waiting to lose you since Black Friday when you drunkenly sang that it was nice being friends as I walked to my car to part ways.  I cried that night in J’s arms being sure that I lost one of my few friends. And I cry now too. 

It seems that’s all I’m able to do, huh?

I only tell you this because a part of me just hopes you get joy of knowing it.  You aren’t losing much without me - you’re freeing up space to just grow. So you can take joy in knowing your bitch ex friend, who can go fuck herself, is in fact sad.

And the memories always came back.

—6 word story - lovelyxniall (via lovelyxniall)

sh4dows:

     “Okay,” he said after forever.“Maybe okay will be our always.”     “Okay,” I said.

sh4dows:

     “Okay,” he said after forever.
“Maybe okay will be our always.”
     “Okay,” I said.

jeza-red:

whoa

(Source: mydarkenedeyes)